Calgary Mayor Naheed Nenshi swooped into Vancouver this week to lure tech workers to his city from ours. He spent some time talking onstage, holding meetings and generally being more affable and accessible than his departing counterpart.
It wasn’t exactly like kicking us when we’re down – more like kicking us when we’re sideways, what with a new mayor and council attempting to know each other sufficiently so as not to need name tags. And it’s not like his city hasn’t been down, truly. But even with his encouragement to come and our seeming discouragement to stay, it can be difficult to decide where to set up shop, pursue a career, build a family and embrace a community.
As a public service, in the interests of understanding the relative differences in the two western Canadian cities, I have identified characteristics that might help the confused techie.
1. In Calgary, there is no sales tax, provincial health care is free and there are low personal and inheritance taxes. In Vancouver, we face no such problems as long as we do not consume, fall ill or earn income or are bequeathed funds.
2. In Vancouver, we have mountains we can see when they’re not obscured by highrises. In Calgary, they have mountains they can see from their office towers.
3. In Vancouver, it rains when it isn’t sunny. In Calgary, it is sunny when it isn’t blizzardy.
4. In Calgary, they have chinooks that warm the city’s residents by dozens of degrees almost instantly in winter. In Vancouver, we have the Shameful Tiki Room on Main Street to fulfil that function.
5. In Calgary, they have the Stampede. In Vancouver, we have the Aritzia warehouse sale.
6. In Calgary, the mayor tweets about the missing animals. In Vancouver, the mayor tweets about the missing middle.
7. In Vancouver, we have the Canada Line, the Millennium Line and the Evergreen Line. In Calgary, they merely have line dancing.
8. In Vancouver, we have food trucks. In Calgary, they have food and they have trucks.
9. In Vancouver, we have bike lanes. In Calgary, they have bikes and they have lanes.
10. In Vancouver, we elected two of Canada’s shortest-serving prime ministers. In Calgary, they elected a prime minister who recently overstayed longer than Vancouver’s served.
11. In Calgary, they simply have too much housing supply. In Vancouver, we merely have too much people supply.
12. In Calgary, they have Johnny Hockey. In Vancouver, we have Johnny Canuck. Only one obviously consumes beer.
13. In Calgary, the city wants a second Winter Games. In Vancouver, we can’t wait for Calgary to be taken down economically by them.
14. In Calgary, they have tech. In Vancouver, we have tech and Teck.
15. In Vancouver, we are close to Asia. In Calgary, they are close to Montana.
16. In Calgary, they have Banff far away. In Vancouver, we have Whistler just close enough.
17. In Vancouver, you would need 9% more income to maintain the same standard of living you would get in Calgary. Sorry, just had to throw that in there.
18. In Vancouver, our forward-thinking hockey team is rebuilding with an aim to win the Stanley Cup later this century. In Calgary, its retrograde team only won a Stanley Cup in the last century.
19. In Calgary, once a year prominent people flip pancakes for Stampede. In Vancouver, all year prominent people flip properties for Profit.
20. In Vancouver, men grow beards and wear tuques as a form of expression. In Calgary, men grow beards and wear tuques as a form of preservation.
21. In Calgary, they have longstanding head offices. In Vancouver, we have long-standing head shops.
22. In Vancouver, we have an aquarium with no whales. In Calgary, they have a zoo with no whales, either.
23. In Calgary, there are more volunteers than anywhere in Canada. In Vancouver, there are more baristas than anywhere in Canada.
24. In Calgary, the city is nicknamed Cow Town. In Vancouver, it is nicknamed Gastown. So you see, we have a climate change issue in common.•
Kirk LaPointe is the editor-in-chief of Business in Vancouver and vice-president, editorial, of Glacier Media.
